


Don't Quit Your Day Job

by kuonji



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-17
Updated: 2011-10-17
Packaged: 2017-10-24 17:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuonji/pseuds/kuonji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Hey, Hutch! That singer you like. He made the top ten!"  Starsky's excited.  Hutch doesn't talk about apples.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Quit Your Day Job

**Author's Note:**

> This story was nominated for a [Torino Award](http://bcl.skeeter63.org/2009awards.shtml) in 2009, category "Humor Story".
> 
> This story was nominated for an [Ollie Award](http://community.livejournal.com/sh911award_com) in 2010, category "Best Gen Story".
> 
> Alternative Links:  
> <http://starskyhutch911.livejournal.com/154499.html>

"Hey, Hutch! That singer you like. He made the top ten!"

"Which singer?" Hutch looked up as Starsky barged in on him, in his sweats and socks after his shower, plucking at his guitar on the couch. His partner seemed to have no concept of Sunday mornings.

"You know, the guy whose song you always sing."

"Which song?" he said, even as his fingers moved to strum the first chord for "Black Bean Soup".

"Yeah, that one." Starsky gave him a considering look. "Hey, you're real good at that. You could probably get a gig as one of those, uh, you know, those guys in Vegas." He snapped his fingers, excited. "Impersonators, that's it! Especially now that he's famous an' all."

Hutch raised a pointed eyebrow. "If I decided to chuck my career away so I could drive to the desert, gussy myself up like a clown, and sing to a bunch of brain-dead tourists, I still wouldn't do it while pretending to be somebody else."

"Aw, but you'd be so good at it! And think of all the girls you'd get, as Mr. big-shot top-ten star..."

"Just forget it!"

"Okay, okay. You'd be great, though," he added, under his breath. Hutch pretended not to hear.

Starsky plumped himself down next to him. His face was all grins as he opened the brown paper bag in his hand. The tantalizing smell of baguettes wafted out. "Egg sandwich from Lila's. Waited in line for half an hour for this baby. Am I the best partner or what?" he declared, handing over said sandwich.

Hutch's mouth watered and he hurriedly put his guitar aside. "Besh pawneh," he had to agree around a mouthful of the tastiest fresh bread he'd ever had. Starsky grinned and sat back with his paper cupful of coffee. Hutch stole it for a few sips and handed it back. "Thanks."

"So, you gonna write him a letter or something?"

"Who?"

"The singer you like!"

Hutch glanced quickly at the shelf holding his music collection. "Why would I do that?"

Starsky gave him a Look. "Beee~cause you buy all his songs and you moon after him every time somebody mentions his name."

"I do not!"

Starsky rolled his eyes.

Hutch grumbled as he continued to devour his sandwich. The thought of how much trouble Starsky had gone to to get it for him was the only thing preventing him from throwing him out on his rear.

"Look," he finally said, gesturing down. "The bread in this sandwich. It took a lot of work to get it just right, didn't it?"

Starsky frowned. "Sure."

"Probably took years to figure out the perfect recipe, right? Find the best ingredients. Everything. And then it took years to build up patrons, get out word of mouth until people got to know about it."

"Okay." Starsky still wasn't getting it. Hutch sighed in frustration.

"What I mean is, nobody threw a big _ad campaign_ for Lila's to pop them to the top of the list. They earned their fame on their own merits. Bit by bit, the hard way. That's why they're able to _stay_ at the top."

The light of metaphor finally seemed to dawn in Starsky's expression. "Geez, Hutch, if you wanna talk about apples, talk about apples. Don't drag in other stuff," he complained. Hutch smirked at him until he realized the irony of his own words. "You know what I mean."

Hutch popped the last bit of mayonnaise and baguette in his mouth. He chased it down with the last swallow of coffee. "What I mean is," he said, once he could talk again, "these Hollywood types, you just can't trust 'em. They sing a couple of hits, make some girls swoon, and suddenly they're the toast of the town.

"The next thing you know, he'll be selling out to the highest bidder, doing crap endorsements or getting some dumb part in a movie. Hell, I bet he'll just hire some poor student to write his songs for him now and pass them off as his own."

Starsky shook his head. "How do ya get around all day, so cynical all the time." He stood up, presumably to leave.

"Yeah, well, Mr. Cynical, that's me." Hutch fiddled with a napkin. He felt awful. "Starsky, wait," he said, looking up. "Wait!" he said again, with more urgency, when he saw Starsky flipping through his music albums.

"Ah-hah! I knew it!"

"Don't--!" It was too late. Starsky was pulling out the album, carefully wrapped in protective cellophane.

"Look, it's all signed and everything." Hutch leaped up just as Starsky held up the record and read aloud, "To Ken, my most sincere fan: Your kind words of support--"

" _Give_ me that!" Hutch shouted, snatching it away. He didn't even have to look up to know Starsky was grinning at him.

"'Your kind words of support have touched my soul'," Starsky quoted. Hutch winced. He put the album back. Gently. Starsky put his hands on his hips. "Pretty strong words for someone who supposedly has nothing nice to say about him. Don't you think?"

"I- I have no idea why he said that," he stammered. "Well," he gulped, when Starsky just stared at him. "I guess I might have written him. Once. Or twice."

"Mr. Cynical, huh?" Starsky clapped him on the back. "On second thought, blue-eyes, don't quit your day job. You'd never make it as an actor, that's for sure."

  
END.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this story, you might try these:  
> [...But Three Lefts Do](http://community.livejournal.com/starskyhutch911/147906.html) (Starsky & Hutch), by kuonji  
> [The Real Culprit](http://community.livejournal.com/starskyhutch911/137528.html) (Starsky & Hutch), by kuonji  
> [Encore](http://meandthee.shahrazad.net/display.php?storyid=1438) (Starsky & Hutch), by Katherine Atkins  
> [Lost In Anticipation](http://starskyhutcharchive.com/starskyhutchgen/classics/marykleinsmith/lost.htm) (Starsky & Hutch), by Mary Kleinsmith  
> [Twisted Reality](http://starskyhutch.kassidyrae.com/twisted_reality.htm) (Starsky & Hutch), by Kaye


End file.
